also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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