if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
