I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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