I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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