I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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