she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I am one with the molecules
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
