Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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