im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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