I checked into jail on foursquare
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
