Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
