Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Soap is not a condiment
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Randomize
