You're completely useless in the revolution.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
