I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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