Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
