the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
