I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
