Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize