I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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