I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
