Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
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