He asked to "fluff my boner.."
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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