so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize