he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
