I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
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Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
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I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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