I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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