I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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