the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
