I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Randomize
