i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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