I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
