You work out of a Hotel?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
