He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
