No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
My dick has a subreddit
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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