Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
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