you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize