Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
