You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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