Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
