i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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