The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
