omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
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