Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
