dude i'm inner monologue high
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
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