There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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