After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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