I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I love having hate sex.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
being pregnant is like rehab
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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