he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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