You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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