i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Randomize
