Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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