i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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