I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
