Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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