Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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