WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
