nut hugger
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
