I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
