I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime