At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
that is very illegal...i love you.
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