Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
