I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
