I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
