You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
