OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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