I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
