She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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