did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
