Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
