The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
