I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
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I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
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That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize