my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
